[clear - refresh] ---THE ETCH-A-SKETCH BLOG--- [created by may]


25/12/2005
'Go'. i hesitated. I felt that silent fear creeping up, a fear of the height. i do not take naturally to heights, so there is this apprehension. i took the rope and in the next instant, felt myself falling through, heading for the safety net below. i tried to turn my body as i fell, hitting the net almost face-first. My right arm hung through the gap, my fingers muddied from its collision w the ground below. i groaned as the numbness just accelerated through my right arm. i thought it would just be that normal after-fall numbness. so wrong so wrong.

it's been some 11 days since that fall. During this time, i experienced being on a stretcher as a real casualty, having my elbow twist back into shape, having my long four cut up and more importantly, living the life of an invalid, a disabled. What i have learnt has opened my eyes up to the inconveniences n yet has also allowed me to witness, first-hand, the true miracles of day-to-day improvements.

Being unable to bath myself, needing help for all activities two-handed were just some of the minor inconveniences. A simple act of touching my face was so difficult, but i managed to achieve it with progress n exercise. Eating one-handed is rude, and it's even worse when u have no choice. The frustrations were tremendous. I had suddenly become quite incapable of taking care of myself. U may think it is just about an arm, but the initial stages were awful, being unable to perform normal functions. never has the retrieval of a wallet, the flipping of a page or simply the raising of an arm been more difficult.

The rehab is my own responsibility. It requires a mix of patience and boldness. To be able to try through the pain and yet stop at certain points is trying. I have been able to experience being able to move my arm more easily. When i first started trying, i was in no control. my arm was so weak it could not raised. active movement was not possible and i had use my left side to support my right arm. i felt so, incapable. i now know what patients of a stroke feel. The frustration is beyond you, yet no control can be exerted at will. Call it persistency or whatever, it takes time to relearn n that is what i have been busy with. be it gripping, raising the arm, pointing that finger, flexing a mildly wasted bicep, it has taken time. muscle athropy is now something i'm familiar with.

This is not to say i'm fully fit. My progress is, however, very very encouraging. I'm wholly optimistic and ready for my elbow 'inspection' this tuesday. i really appreciate the efforts of my parents to give me the good food necessary for recovery, pushing me to exercise(walks) when my whole body has turned 'lembed'. It will be an uphill task to get fit again. over a week of not running has left this body devoid of any stamina, all of which needs to be rediscovered. i pray for the gift of miraculous healing to continue to touch me. Every part of me wants to make that flight that says: Destination Thailand

wizzing away on 4:24 PM

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